Any day now.....

I know that each pregnancy is different but it's hard not to compare this one to Mason's. Once you know what to expect, you expect it to happen the same way. Maybe that's easy for me to say because Mason's birth was a wonderful experience. I just keep hoping that this one will go as smoothly. Mason was born at 37 weeks and 6 days, and I went into labor just before midnight the night before. That is tonight. No, I don't really think that this one is going to come tonight but the unknowns are starting to make me nervous. With Mason, my plug broke, my water broke, everything was step by step. "but every pregnancy is different." God, how many times have I heard that? My water may not break this time, the baby may not drop this time. It's almost more nerve wracking than the first. I'm not sure I'm making any sense but it's hard to explain.

Okay, I admit I'm a worry wart, I always have been and I'm certainly not going to change now, but damn if it isn't frustrating as all hell. Wolf is in Sacramento at a concert with his good friend Tim and he won't be home until late tomorrow morning. What if something happens? Mason is not feeling well and I should be asleep, expecting to be woken up many times in the night, but I just can't shut my brain off. As it is I don't sleep well when Wolf isn't here and being in this state of my pregnancy doesn't help. It makes me feel better to know that he is hopefully out having a good time, though. He deserves it and I'm glad he is doing something for himself. Pretty soon, it isn't really going to be a possibility.

I'm terrified of having two kids. I'm scared that I won't be able to handle it. I'm scared that I'm going to be a horrific mother and that my worst trait, my lack of patience, is going to ruin everything. All I have ever wanted in my life (ever since I was 6, as anyone who has known me long enough can tell you) was to find a wonderful husband, have two beautiful children and be one big happy family. Totally cliche but I don't give a shit. I've never wanted the corporate life, never had dreams of being a rock star or rich and famous. I have always just wanted a simple, happy life surrounded by people who make my life complete. And I have that. Now I just have to get over the fear of fucking it all up.

Wow, crazy rantings and ravings from a pregnant woman. I'm almost tempted not to post this but what the hell. Some of you who read this are mothers, some are fathers, some are just friends, but I'm sure that everyone will be able to relate to my craziness on some level.

I love you all dearly and thank what ever powers are out there that I have the love and support of the most wonderful people. You all know me....and still love me.

Night-night.