Today is a Bad Mama day, or at least portions of it. I'm trying to keep my cool, trying to remain calm and just laugh at everything, and it's kind of working. I've been getting pretty good sleep lately so when I don't get as good a night sleep as I would like, my days suffer, my kids suffer and my husband suffers. And I suffer from the guilt of it all. So here it is 4:06 in the evening and I am sitting at my computer taking a break. My eldest baby is sitting in his new booster seat at our new used table, eating wheat thins, my littlest baby is asleep in his swing and the best of Hall & Oates is blaring in the background. I rediscovered this CD over the weekend and have had to listen to it every day. It makes me happy, makes me nostalgic and helps the baby go to sleep. Who knew?
As I was getting uptight about the boys room being a mess and the laundry not being done, as the baby was screaming and Mason was running around with poop on his hands, I stood still for a minute, clenched every muscle in my body as tightly as I could, took a deep breath and let it all go. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew. Now I'm letting the music wash over me and sighing happily as my boy calls for his Mama Bear while he is making art.
Damn this job is hard. The guilt is almost unbearable sometimes. And now my brief moment of respite is over - Mason is now having an uncontrollable fit because he can't cram the crayons into the colored pencils box and Morgan has decided that Hall & Oates is no longer doing it for him. The sound level has now risen to an unbearable level and I must flee. Well, go control it, at any rate.
More at another time....
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Friday, May 27, 2005
Friday, May 20, 2005
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Sunday, April 10, 2005
The Newest Schuster is born
Morgan James Schuster was born today at 6:16 p.m. He weighed in at 8 lbs, 6 oz and he was 19 3/4 inches long.
The day started out pretty mellow. Wolf, Mason and I met up with my friend Tobin, his wife Dawn and their son Emrys for breakfast. I was feeling a little under the weather but didn't think much of it. We headed home around lunchtime to put Mason down for his nap. I'm not sure exactly what time I started feeling badly, but I think it was around 2:30 or 3. I started getting serious pains in my stomach. My first thought was that I was having bad gas pains from the ham and cheese I had eaten earlier. It crossed my mind briefly that these might be labor pains, but I wasn't sure. I've had terrible stomach pains in the past so it wasn't unusual. But just to be safe, I gave my midwife a call. Round about this time, Wolf's dad called out of the blue to see if he and Mara could take Mason to Costco, then they'd come back and we'd have a barbeque. Timing couldn't have been better.
Diane, my midwife, asked me a bunch of questions, none of which I was able to answer clearly. "Well, you may be in labor," she said. "Go take a hot bath and see if it goes away." So I did. I had had the presence of mind to bring a watch with me, just in case. To make sure this wasn't labor, I began timing my gas pains. Finally, after 45 minutes it began to sink into my pain dazed brain that gas pains don't usually happen every 3 minutes and last for a minute in a half. However, I STILL wasn't convinced. Not wanting to take any chances, though, I had Wolf call Diane back and they decided that it was probably best if she come check things out. By now it was 4:30. Diane arrived just around 5. "Do you want me to check you?" she asked. "Oh sure, why not, since you're here" was the reply I wanted to utter. Instead I think I just grunted. Turns out I was 4 cm dialated. "So this truly is labor then and not just gas?" I had to ask. Yes, I truly did need to hear her say yes in order for me to believe it. Funny what pain can do to you. Makes you crazy. Some where in this span of time, Pop and Mara came to pick up Mason, which was great. One of my biggest worries had been what would happen to Mason when this all went down.
Okay, now things are getting crazy. Not wanting to lay down, I positioned myself off of the end of the bed, on the corner, and squatted. Wolf was up on the bed, holding my hands in a criss-crossed position and using the dresser for stability. Man, the pain was amazing. I remember blurting out at some point that it is a damn good thing your mind blocks this kind of pain or children would never be born. Finally, the urge to push became almost unbearable, but they wouldn't let me. Seems things weren't quite ready yet. Um, excuse me? Don't push? Are you smoking crack? But I did as I was told and BREATHED through my urge to push. That is by far the most horrible, terrible, painful thing I have ever done......or so I thought. Then I was told I could push and as the baby came out, I remembered that THIS was the most horrible, terrible, painful thing I have ever done. But so worth it as I watched my newest beautiful baby boy drop down into Diane's waiting arms.
Everything after that is pretty much a blur. Mason came home and got to hang out with his new baby brother, which he actually thought was pretty cool. I was completely wiped out and spent the rest of the evening taking care of some unpleasantries that go along with birth and making phone calls. I can't tell you how wonderful it was to be able to lie down in my own bed, with my family, and not have to go anywhere or do anything or have to worry about people coming into my room at all hours of the night. I will admit I was very nervous about having this baby at home but it really turned out beautifully.
My life and my family are now complete. Here's to the future!
The day started out pretty mellow. Wolf, Mason and I met up with my friend Tobin, his wife Dawn and their son Emrys for breakfast. I was feeling a little under the weather but didn't think much of it. We headed home around lunchtime to put Mason down for his nap. I'm not sure exactly what time I started feeling badly, but I think it was around 2:30 or 3. I started getting serious pains in my stomach. My first thought was that I was having bad gas pains from the ham and cheese I had eaten earlier. It crossed my mind briefly that these might be labor pains, but I wasn't sure. I've had terrible stomach pains in the past so it wasn't unusual. But just to be safe, I gave my midwife a call. Round about this time, Wolf's dad called out of the blue to see if he and Mara could take Mason to Costco, then they'd come back and we'd have a barbeque. Timing couldn't have been better.
Diane, my midwife, asked me a bunch of questions, none of which I was able to answer clearly. "Well, you may be in labor," she said. "Go take a hot bath and see if it goes away." So I did. I had had the presence of mind to bring a watch with me, just in case. To make sure this wasn't labor, I began timing my gas pains. Finally, after 45 minutes it began to sink into my pain dazed brain that gas pains don't usually happen every 3 minutes and last for a minute in a half. However, I STILL wasn't convinced. Not wanting to take any chances, though, I had Wolf call Diane back and they decided that it was probably best if she come check things out. By now it was 4:30. Diane arrived just around 5. "Do you want me to check you?" she asked. "Oh sure, why not, since you're here" was the reply I wanted to utter. Instead I think I just grunted. Turns out I was 4 cm dialated. "So this truly is labor then and not just gas?" I had to ask. Yes, I truly did need to hear her say yes in order for me to believe it. Funny what pain can do to you. Makes you crazy. Some where in this span of time, Pop and Mara came to pick up Mason, which was great. One of my biggest worries had been what would happen to Mason when this all went down.
Okay, now things are getting crazy. Not wanting to lay down, I positioned myself off of the end of the bed, on the corner, and squatted. Wolf was up on the bed, holding my hands in a criss-crossed position and using the dresser for stability. Man, the pain was amazing. I remember blurting out at some point that it is a damn good thing your mind blocks this kind of pain or children would never be born. Finally, the urge to push became almost unbearable, but they wouldn't let me. Seems things weren't quite ready yet. Um, excuse me? Don't push? Are you smoking crack? But I did as I was told and BREATHED through my urge to push. That is by far the most horrible, terrible, painful thing I have ever done......or so I thought. Then I was told I could push and as the baby came out, I remembered that THIS was the most horrible, terrible, painful thing I have ever done. But so worth it as I watched my newest beautiful baby boy drop down into Diane's waiting arms.
Everything after that is pretty much a blur. Mason came home and got to hang out with his new baby brother, which he actually thought was pretty cool. I was completely wiped out and spent the rest of the evening taking care of some unpleasantries that go along with birth and making phone calls. I can't tell you how wonderful it was to be able to lie down in my own bed, with my family, and not have to go anywhere or do anything or have to worry about people coming into my room at all hours of the night. I will admit I was very nervous about having this baby at home but it really turned out beautifully.
My life and my family are now complete. Here's to the future!
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
Holy Shit
As of April 15th, we will officially be homeowners. What the fuck? Are we insane? Has pregnancy rotted both of our brains? Well, yeah, pretty much. We were just sitting around one day, admiring my ever growing stomach, and we thought, hey, let's go find a house, close right around the due date of the baby and then pack, move and get settled into the new place in a month's time, all with a newborn and an almost 2 year old. Wouldn't that be fun? We got our wish. Did I mention we were smoking crack at the time? Of course I'm just kidding but we might as well have been. I'm not sure what we were thinking and I'm terrified as all hell. But life is full of challenges, right? This is just another one...or two...or three.
I'm excited and terrified and really happy all at the same time. It's going to be extremely hard but we'll manage. I have such a wonderful, loving and level headed husband who always knows just what to say and what to do so I have no doubts that this will all work out fine. But I can tell you that we'll be calling in a LOT of favors and we'll be needing a whole lot of help. So those of you reading this, prepare for the barrage of phone calls coming your way from the Schuster clan. We'll repay you, though, with a wonderful dinner cooked in our outdoor backyard kitchen and served under the beautiful shaded lanai. Let's get this party started!
Doh, is that a contraction?
I'm excited and terrified and really happy all at the same time. It's going to be extremely hard but we'll manage. I have such a wonderful, loving and level headed husband who always knows just what to say and what to do so I have no doubts that this will all work out fine. But I can tell you that we'll be calling in a LOT of favors and we'll be needing a whole lot of help. So those of you reading this, prepare for the barrage of phone calls coming your way from the Schuster clan. We'll repay you, though, with a wonderful dinner cooked in our outdoor backyard kitchen and served under the beautiful shaded lanai. Let's get this party started!
Doh, is that a contraction?
Saturday, March 26, 2005
Any day now.....
I know that each pregnancy is different but it's hard not to compare this one to Mason's. Once you know what to expect, you expect it to happen the same way. Maybe that's easy for me to say because Mason's birth was a wonderful experience. I just keep hoping that this one will go as smoothly. Mason was born at 37 weeks and 6 days, and I went into labor just before midnight the night before. That is tonight. No, I don't really think that this one is going to come tonight but the unknowns are starting to make me nervous. With Mason, my plug broke, my water broke, everything was step by step. "but every pregnancy is different." God, how many times have I heard that? My water may not break this time, the baby may not drop this time. It's almost more nerve wracking than the first. I'm not sure I'm making any sense but it's hard to explain.
Okay, I admit I'm a worry wart, I always have been and I'm certainly not going to change now, but damn if it isn't frustrating as all hell. Wolf is in Sacramento at a concert with his good friend Tim and he won't be home until late tomorrow morning. What if something happens? Mason is not feeling well and I should be asleep, expecting to be woken up many times in the night, but I just can't shut my brain off. As it is I don't sleep well when Wolf isn't here and being in this state of my pregnancy doesn't help. It makes me feel better to know that he is hopefully out having a good time, though. He deserves it and I'm glad he is doing something for himself. Pretty soon, it isn't really going to be a possibility.
I'm terrified of having two kids. I'm scared that I won't be able to handle it. I'm scared that I'm going to be a horrific mother and that my worst trait, my lack of patience, is going to ruin everything. All I have ever wanted in my life (ever since I was 6, as anyone who has known me long enough can tell you) was to find a wonderful husband, have two beautiful children and be one big happy family. Totally cliche but I don't give a shit. I've never wanted the corporate life, never had dreams of being a rock star or rich and famous. I have always just wanted a simple, happy life surrounded by people who make my life complete. And I have that. Now I just have to get over the fear of fucking it all up.
Wow, crazy rantings and ravings from a pregnant woman. I'm almost tempted not to post this but what the hell. Some of you who read this are mothers, some are fathers, some are just friends, but I'm sure that everyone will be able to relate to my craziness on some level.
I love you all dearly and thank what ever powers are out there that I have the love and support of the most wonderful people. You all know me....and still love me.
Night-night.
Okay, I admit I'm a worry wart, I always have been and I'm certainly not going to change now, but damn if it isn't frustrating as all hell. Wolf is in Sacramento at a concert with his good friend Tim and he won't be home until late tomorrow morning. What if something happens? Mason is not feeling well and I should be asleep, expecting to be woken up many times in the night, but I just can't shut my brain off. As it is I don't sleep well when Wolf isn't here and being in this state of my pregnancy doesn't help. It makes me feel better to know that he is hopefully out having a good time, though. He deserves it and I'm glad he is doing something for himself. Pretty soon, it isn't really going to be a possibility.
I'm terrified of having two kids. I'm scared that I won't be able to handle it. I'm scared that I'm going to be a horrific mother and that my worst trait, my lack of patience, is going to ruin everything. All I have ever wanted in my life (ever since I was 6, as anyone who has known me long enough can tell you) was to find a wonderful husband, have two beautiful children and be one big happy family. Totally cliche but I don't give a shit. I've never wanted the corporate life, never had dreams of being a rock star or rich and famous. I have always just wanted a simple, happy life surrounded by people who make my life complete. And I have that. Now I just have to get over the fear of fucking it all up.
Wow, crazy rantings and ravings from a pregnant woman. I'm almost tempted not to post this but what the hell. Some of you who read this are mothers, some are fathers, some are just friends, but I'm sure that everyone will be able to relate to my craziness on some level.
I love you all dearly and thank what ever powers are out there that I have the love and support of the most wonderful people. You all know me....and still love me.
Night-night.
Monday, March 21, 2005
For those who don't believe....
There are so many important people in my life who live far away and I think it is hard for them to believe that I am actually pregnant since they never get to see me. It really sucks that so many people I love don't get to share this with me. Well, the best I can do is post pictures of my ever expanding abdomen - they aren't the best quality downloads but they'll have to do. I can't tell if I am any bigger than I was with Mason or if I am carrying any differently. All I can say is, I'm done. Ready for this to be over. It's hard on this old body of mine and I can tell that things are going to take a long time healing. Ah well, this is the end, I'm done after this so I should just shut up and enjoy what is left.
I am exactly 37 weeks today and the baby is completely viable, which means that it could be born today and all would be well. Everything is formed and developed and now it is just going to spend the next few weeks gaining fat. For those of you who don't know, pregnancy is actually 10 months, or 40 weeks, long. Mason was born at 37 weeks and 6 days, so basically this Sunday, Easter, would be the equivalent. That's fine by me, although there are a lot of people who would be much happier if Cookie waited until after the first week of April. Everyone seems to have plans or things to do, including 2 of my 3 midwives. So of course, it will come then. At least Wolf found my back brace for me today so I can walk around in a more upright position. The baby is all in the front and just keeps pulling me forward, making it very hard to walk. Waddle, waddle, waddle.
I gathered all of Mason's baby clothes together today, washed them and put them away in the dresser we bought for Cookie. I had lent them all to my friend Sheila for her son Cash and not only got back those clothes but all of the ones that she had acquired as well. Luckily it is basically the same time of year so everything should work just fine. Sheesh, I sure hope this is a boy or my little girl is going to look awfully blue for awhile.
I am exactly 37 weeks today and the baby is completely viable, which means that it could be born today and all would be well. Everything is formed and developed and now it is just going to spend the next few weeks gaining fat. For those of you who don't know, pregnancy is actually 10 months, or 40 weeks, long. Mason was born at 37 weeks and 6 days, so basically this Sunday, Easter, would be the equivalent. That's fine by me, although there are a lot of people who would be much happier if Cookie waited until after the first week of April. Everyone seems to have plans or things to do, including 2 of my 3 midwives. So of course, it will come then. At least Wolf found my back brace for me today so I can walk around in a more upright position. The baby is all in the front and just keeps pulling me forward, making it very hard to walk. Waddle, waddle, waddle.
I gathered all of Mason's baby clothes together today, washed them and put them away in the dresser we bought for Cookie. I had lent them all to my friend Sheila for her son Cash and not only got back those clothes but all of the ones that she had acquired as well. Luckily it is basically the same time of year so everything should work just fine. Sheesh, I sure hope this is a boy or my little girl is going to look awfully blue for awhile.
Thursday, March 10, 2005
It's late...
and I should be asleep, but I haven't posted in so long I thought I should take a minute to do some updating. Not that I'm really sure anyone except my best friend really reads this, but that's okay.
Mason started school last week. I cried the first day. Mason only cried for about 5 minutes. He goes Tuesday and Friday mornings. This last Tuesday I talked with his teacher, Vanessa ("Nessa"), and she said that he is starting to warm up and actually had a pretty good day. He was happy when I picked him up and walked around the room waving and saying bye-bye to all of his new friends. Tomorrow is day 4 and I can only hope that it just continues to get better.
I'm getting larger by the minute, my hands and feet are beginning to swell and I think that I am now truly a waddler. Tums are my lifesavers and I eat them by the handfuls. If not, I'm woken up in the middle of the night, between bathroom visits, by nasty heartburn and acid reflux. Oh yeah, then there is always the foot in the ribs maneuver which Cookie seems to be trying to master before he/she is born. Wolf and I didn't think it was possible that a baby could be more active than Mason was in my stomach, but this one has him beat. It's crazy to think that, although it is still technically 4 1/2 weeks until my due date, I could have this baby at any time. I would like to get to 36 weeks, which will be this next Monday, and then any time this little one wants to come, I'll be ready.
In the meantime, my little boy seems to wake up every morning a different boy. He seems bigger, older and too damn smart for his own good. He is talking up a storm now and is getting better with his sentences. Now we know when he doesn't say something it's not because he can't, it's because he doesn't want to! I was hard on him today because I'm sick, yet again, and feeling like a beached whale. I was short with him and grumpy and it sure does make me feel like a pretty shitty mother. I keep trying to put myself in his little shoes, looking up at this raving lunatic going off the deep end for no reason, and I feel like an ass. Wolf just keeps reminding me that pretty soon he is going to have far better things to do than hang out with us and that I should just enjoy every minute. I try to, I really really do, it's just so damn hard when my body just won't cooperate.
But that's no excuse. I only get to go through Mason's childhood with him once and I want to make sure that he has the best one that he can. No, I'm not perfect and no, I don't have the patience of a saint, but I love that little man beyond words and I can only hope that he somehow knows that.
Well, goodnight and enjoy the newest pictures of Little Buu.
Mason started school last week. I cried the first day. Mason only cried for about 5 minutes. He goes Tuesday and Friday mornings. This last Tuesday I talked with his teacher, Vanessa ("Nessa"), and she said that he is starting to warm up and actually had a pretty good day. He was happy when I picked him up and walked around the room waving and saying bye-bye to all of his new friends. Tomorrow is day 4 and I can only hope that it just continues to get better.
I'm getting larger by the minute, my hands and feet are beginning to swell and I think that I am now truly a waddler. Tums are my lifesavers and I eat them by the handfuls. If not, I'm woken up in the middle of the night, between bathroom visits, by nasty heartburn and acid reflux. Oh yeah, then there is always the foot in the ribs maneuver which Cookie seems to be trying to master before he/she is born. Wolf and I didn't think it was possible that a baby could be more active than Mason was in my stomach, but this one has him beat. It's crazy to think that, although it is still technically 4 1/2 weeks until my due date, I could have this baby at any time. I would like to get to 36 weeks, which will be this next Monday, and then any time this little one wants to come, I'll be ready.
In the meantime, my little boy seems to wake up every morning a different boy. He seems bigger, older and too damn smart for his own good. He is talking up a storm now and is getting better with his sentences. Now we know when he doesn't say something it's not because he can't, it's because he doesn't want to! I was hard on him today because I'm sick, yet again, and feeling like a beached whale. I was short with him and grumpy and it sure does make me feel like a pretty shitty mother. I keep trying to put myself in his little shoes, looking up at this raving lunatic going off the deep end for no reason, and I feel like an ass. Wolf just keeps reminding me that pretty soon he is going to have far better things to do than hang out with us and that I should just enjoy every minute. I try to, I really really do, it's just so damn hard when my body just won't cooperate.
But that's no excuse. I only get to go through Mason's childhood with him once and I want to make sure that he has the best one that he can. No, I'm not perfect and no, I don't have the patience of a saint, but I love that little man beyond words and I can only hope that he somehow knows that.
Well, goodnight and enjoy the newest pictures of Little Buu.
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